Redefining Toddlers

by Sarah KernWhen you think of toddlers, what comes to mind? Often we hear toddlers described as difficult, impulsive, and destructive. The “terrible twos” are a phase many a parent has entered with trepidation. Even educators struggle with toddlers; my sister recently told me of a daycare director she met with who flat out admitted she didn’t like toddlers. Certainly I’ve received my fair share of looks of horror when I’ve shared that I’m a toddler teacher. It seems toddlers have a strong reputation, and it’s not to say some of it isn’t deserved. Indeed, toddlers ARE impulsive. They can be difficult, and show me a toddler who’s never dumped out a toy basket or colored on a wall. It’s true that toddlers have a special way of button-pushing that grinds on the nerves of even the most even-keeled parents and teachers.We often look at toddlers through the lens of what they can’t do. We’re fried by trying to meet their constantly changing needs and wants, frustrated by their testing, and exhausted by their big feelings. It’s a constant push-pull with toddlers; there’s so much they want to do for themselves yet so much they still need help with. But I think it’s time to reframe how we see our toddlers.Lately I’ve been in awe of that all my toddler students CAN do. They are resilient, creative, capable, and empathetic. They know so very much about their little worlds, and they’re a vital part of them.Seeing toddlers this way has changed me as a teacher.  I’ve gotten braver, and I believe my students have benefitted. My first year, I wouldn’t have dared take my little group of five toddlers upstairs to visit seniors. Now, it’s one of my favorite things to do with them. Do they run in the hall, push all the elevator buttons, and touch seniors’ fragile decorations? Sometimes they do. But do they greet seniors, spontaneously shake hands, and bring joy everywhere they go? Absolutely, they do. I’ve found that the more I trust them, the more I let them be and experience, the less they push my buttons (elevator buttons are another story).I think what challenges adults most about toddlers is that they are unpredictable. We want to control them, keep them in a bubble, keep their clothes clean and manners perfect. That’s just not the way it is for them. They want to experience it all, hands on, and that’s how they learn. How can I expect my students to greet the seniors they meet out and about if I never give them a chance to try it? How can I expect them to try new things if I never let them take any risks? How can I expect them to be capable if I do everything for them? How can I expect them to care for their classmates if I never give them a chance to help?Just in the last week, I watched toddlers jump off the retaining wall on the playground after carefully assessing the risk and choosing just the right height that felt safe. I watched a student help another who was crying because he couldn’t get his jacket off. I watched a child reach out and shake hands with a new grandpa, completely of his own volition. I listened as a student reminded others to wait for a child who had fallen behind.It’s time to rethink our toddlers’ reputations.